When you're 38 weeks pregnant, there's lots of things you think about. You wonder if the nursery really is as ready as you think, and if 3 different baby lotions next to the changing table will really be enough. You say to yourself, "Even though I vacuumed a couple of hours ago, surely there's too much cat hair on the carpet now, and I absolutely must vacuum again." You tell your Fiance that the strange noise the living room ceiling fan has been making has gotten loads stranger and how can we live with such a safety hazard? How did we ever become so sloppy about safety? How on earth did we let the ceiling fan noise get to this point!? Then he offers to rub your feet, and you calm down because you recently discovered foot rubs can potentially induce labor and that would be SO AWESOME right about now.
You basically ask yourself a lot of un-necessary things and everyone around you starts thinking you've finally and completely lost your mind. How does one cope with such craziness? I've found I have to step back and ask myself, "What would Martha do?"
Martha Stewart has been the housewives guide for pretty much EVER. The homemaker's guru. The domestic idol. I honestly and happily can tell you, I am a serious Martha fan. I think she's the bee's knees. Here's an example of how simply asking yourself, "WWMD?" can get you through the toughest of times.
::You wake up to find your fiance has left towels scattered throughout the dinning room next to the massive pile of torn up paper towels that your cat placed neatly around the entire kitchen that you intensely cleaned yesterday. Your back is starting to ache, and the bed still looks oh so comfy. Okay, now stop and take a deep breath. "WWMD?"
Martha would probably make the bed first. How can you possibly leave the room with the bedding a mess? What kind of animal are you? After making the bed, and assuring yourself the bedroom looks tops you would remind yourself that your Fiance is a boy, and boys are messy. Duh! You knew that when you decided not to be a lesbian. So, you fold the towels neatly and place them back in their proper towel home. Then you tackle the poor paper towel mess and remind yourself that your cat is flippin awesome, and it's only a roll of paper towels. No biggy, right? Right. Then, you continue to clean your house as throughly as you did the day before. Showing no mercy to dirt, dirty counters, or un-sanitized door knobs. Thank you Martha, you really helped me pull through.
Other things you do when you're 38 weeks pregnant look something like this:
You invite your sister over to walk ridiculous amounts with you and pretend that it's actually fun.
You drink iced coffee and pretend that even though it's decaf, it's energizing you to keep going.
You take crappy pictures of your huge uncomfortable belly next to someone half your size.
Then you eat a gigantic ice cream sundae because somehow it makes you feel good about yourself. Besides, you just waddled up town for 2 hours and if anyone deserves it, it's you!
Happy 38 weeks of growing inside of me Sadie B! You're welcome to come out and meet the world ANY DAY NOW.
Love,
Your heifer of a Mama
